


Inevitable (But Never Easy)

by Emilia_Rowan



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Really Slowburn, Supercorp endgame, lena finds out kara is supergirl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-10-31 08:49:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilia_Rowan/pseuds/Emilia_Rowan
Summary: Post 4x08It was all inevitable really, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy. When everything comes out and wounds are laid bare on both sides, healing is possible but it’s not going to be easy and it’s going to hurt like hell.





	1. Dancing with Our Hands Tied

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this after episode 4x08 so there’s no memory wipe, that is just far too much angst for me to deal with thank you very much. But I may still incorporate some stuff from the episodes after that one, it just depends.
> 
> Super slow burn. Like for real it’s gonna be a while before these two get their heads out of their asses. Sorry not sorry blame the show for giving them so much to work through, I’m just trying to clean it up in a way that results in a happy ending and not whatever insanity they have planned on the actual show.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First chapter set-up

Lena Luthor stared at the three unconscious forms on gurneys in front of her. She had their signed consent forms on file, had already transferred compensation into their bank accounts, and yet she hesitated. Miss Teschmacher continued flitting around the lab, seeming unaffected by the second thoughts and questions that tormented Lena. Lena knew why— Eve was motivated by her cousin who was fighting terminal cancer. But Lena… Lena wondered again why exactly she was doing this. Was it worth signing another death certificate or, in this case, three more?

“The test serums are all hooked up, Miss Luthor,” Eve said, her bouncing blonde curls reflecting her cheerful tone.

Lena’s gaze fell on the three subject’s forearms, where vials were locked into their intravenous lines. After the last experiment, each subject was isolated to a chamber like the one where she had kept Samantha Arias almost a year before. She wouldn’t be entering the chambers to administer the serums, but a button in front of her would cause the plungers to automatically drop.

Her last experiment had been so close to success— the subject had experienced forty-eight hours of invincibility, enhanced strength, and superhuman speed. For a brief moment Lena had allowed herself to believe that she had done it. But then the seizures began, and the subject lost control of her powers, almost destroying the lab in the process. It had been Lena’s call to terminate— the only option she had before the entire building collapsed and killed them and everyone else inside. It was a necessary choice, but one that had weighed on Lena’s heart heavier than any of the other deaths so far.

Lena was pulled out of her reverie by Miss Teschmacher’s voice right beside her. Eve’s eyes were anxious, but not for the same reason. She had been the one to suggest three simultaneous trials, and again, Lena didn’t have to guess why— her cousin’s condition was deteriorating. Eve didn’t know it, but Lena had paid to ensure the very best care for the woman, but even Lena couldn’t buy miracles. The last subjects were so close to success, Eve had suggested testing three subjects simultaneously this time, hoping one of them would be the key.

Not for the first time, Lena wished she had a moral sounding board other than Eve to consult about the experiment. Miss Teschmacher was helpful, but she had a dog in this fight and that made her input biased. At one point she would’ve trusted James Olsen, but their relationship had fizzled months before, unable to recover from his dealings with the Children of Liberty and her interference with the District Attorney over his prosecution as Guardian. Even if they were still together, his friendship with Superman and Supergirl would give bias to his opinion. As much as Miss Teschmacher was for these experiments, he would be ten times more vehemently against them.

The image of another blonde flitted through Lena’s head. Kara Danvers, reporter for CatCo magazine, and surprisingly Lena’s best friend. Lena hadn’t spoken to Kara for weeks now, too absorbed in these experiments. Perhaps it was shame. She didn’t think Kara would object to the goals of the experiments as much as some of her friends, but she would object to the methods. Kara was everything good and innocent, which was why Lena loved spending time with her. She found herself hoping that spending time in Kara’s light would counteract the darkness Lena carried around from her own past.

Lena’s earlier question swirled around her mind again. Why was she doing this? The thought blended with a mental image of Kara and she stiffened her spine. She had begun these experiments as a way to cure disease, but in recent months she had come to the conclusion that the most disabling human condition in today’s world was frailty. What chances did a sweet, gentle Kara Danvers have in a world with aliens like Supergirl, who possessed god-like powers? Humans deserved a fighting chance to defend themselves in the times they were living in. If humans could be made equal to their alien invaders, the fear that pervaded society and motivated hate-groups like the Children of Liberty would dissipate. Lena was doing this for a simple reason— to protect the people she loved.

“Miss Luthor?”

There was more anxiety in Miss Teschmacher’s voice— clearly anxious that Lena might decide to stop the experiments. Lena sighed. She had dug this hole, whatever her reasons, and there was no way out but to continue digging and hope she struck gold, and hope that she wasn’t digging her own grave in the process. She picked up her digital recorder and pressed Record.

“Beginning trials. Administering Serum X into Subject 0354, Serum Y into Subject 0355, and Serum X into Subject 0356,” Lena said into the recorder. Her fingers hovered over the buttons for another moment before she pressed all three in quick sequence. “Here we go.”

**********

Supergirl hovered above the city, using her super hearing to scan for trouble. She had spent her day interviewing a family of aliens for her latest project at CatCo— a series of articles about the daily lives of various aliens who made National City their home. She had enjoyed spending time with the family— two Archastrians, a female-only, humanoid species with bird-like features. The two she had interviewed were a pair-bond who lived in a large home with their daughters and several aunts and cousins. On their home planet, living together with extended family was the norm, and they enjoyed continuing that tradition even as they worked to assimilate into Earth culture.

Being surrounded by the warm and inviting family had reminded Kara of her own circle of family and friends. She missed her Kryptonian family, and her thoughts often turned to her cousin Clark— Kal-El, Superman— and his fiance, Lois, and the baby they would welcome on Argo. Her Earth family was expanding as well. Alex was researching adoption, and even though she was trying to keep her research on the down low, Kara had seen the websites pulled up on her laptop and smartphone before Alex could shut them. Alex’s work at the DEO was busy, but Kara hoped against hope that her sister would soon become a mother— she would be amazing at it.

Her extended family, as she thought of her friends, had broken, healed, and changed. Sam Arias and her daughter Ruby had moved to Metropolis, but they still texted and called every so often to check in. Winn was sometime in the future, with no doubt being amazing, but sometimes Kara’s heart ached for moments with her friend. Brainy had found a niche in their friendship, sometimes grating with his mannerisms, but he was oddly endearing. Nia Nal was an interesting addition— Kara had just recently shared her secret identity with the cub reporter who had dream visions, to reassure the young woman that there was another person who understood what it was like to live with alien superpowers. J’onn was proving to be a huge help, both with adjusting to not working for the DEO and with finding aliens to interview for her articles. Her relationship with James Olsen had strained recently— she still considered him a dear friend, and he was Kara’s boss, so there was that. But he had been foolish in his dealings with the Children of Liberty, an anti-alien hate group. Supergirl still hadn’t entirely forgiven him for that. And there was the fact that he had broken up with Kara’s best friend, Lena Luthor.

Lena Luthor, her best friend— that was a surprising turn of events. When Kara walked into the executive office of L-Corp with Clark Kent, she hadn’t expected to make a fast friend. Afterall, who would ever think of a Super and a Luthor being friends? Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate either. Lena was Kara’s best friend, but she was Supergirl’s acquaintance, on a good day. Supergirl knew that was her fault— she had let fear rule her, fear of Kryptonite, and sent James Olsen as Guardian to search Lena’s vaults for more Kryptonite. The choice was out of character for both sides of her— Kara Danvers trusted her friends, and Supergirl would never use such sneaky tactics, especially on someone who had always been her ally. She could only blame her fear, and it was a choice she already regretted. Now Supergirl and Lena barely had a working relationship, and knowing how Lena felt about Supergirl strained Kara’s friendship. It was an awkward situation, and that was why she hadn’t reached out to Lena for over a week… or was it two? She wasn’t sure anymore, but the urge to message her, to call her, to just check in and make sure she was safe and happy, that urge hit her multiple times a day. While she interviewed the Archastrians, her first thought was how much she would like to share that happy family with her sister Alex, but a close second thought was how much she would like to share that happy family with Lena.

Those were troubling thoughts.

 _The phone works both ways_ , Alex had said when they talked about it earlier that week. Alex thought it was probably best that she distance herself from Lena. _She’s a Luthor, afterall_.

The sound of sirens pulled Kara out of her thoughts and brought Supergirl to the forefront. She took off toward the docks, red cape rippling behind her. She circled the scene before dropping down. J’onn had advised her to let the human police deal with a situation if they could handle it, now that she didn’t have the might of the DEO behind her crime-fighting escapades, and while it was difficult advice to follow, it had proven prudent on more than one occasion.

A man and a woman were perched at the edge of the docks. Supergirl was pretty sure the woman was human, and while the man looked mostly human, small ridges along his neck below his ears told kara that he was decidedly not. If she had to guess, he was a Piscerian— an alien species from a water-covered planet that could transform to either have two legs or look like something out of a Disney movie. The two were surrounded by half a dozen people holding aluminum baseball bats, heavy chains, and knives, wearing gray hoodies and gold masks— Children of Liberty.

Supergirl hovered nearby, just out of sight, as two police cars pulled up, lights flashing. Four cops spilled out of the car and drew their guns.

“Drop your weapons!” an officer ordered.

“Not until we teach this Roach a lesson!” one of the hooded figures shouted back. “He’ll learn to never touch one of our women again!”

“Drop your weapons NOW!” another officer ordered.

The circle tightened around the pair almost imperceptibly. Before Kara could swoop down, one of the Children of Liberty grabbed the human woman and held his knife to her throat.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” the hooded man shouted. “We’re not going to do a damn thing. You fine officers are going to do your duty to protect the PEOPLE of National City by shooting The Little Mermaid over there, and all the humans will walk away unharmed. Not like it’s a big loss, officers. One less roach to touch human women.”

Silence and hesitation hung heavy in the air for long moments. Supergirl wondered why the officers weren’t moving to deescalate the situation, but then her gaze caught it. One of the officers changed the angle of his gun, just slightly, until it was no longer pointed at one of the hooded figures, but into the center of the circle.

Before any of them, officers or attackers, could react, Supergirl swept through them, knocking the Piscerian into the nearby water, pulling the human woman from her attacker and into her own protective grasp, and released a low gust of freezing breath. The feet of the six Children of Liberty were frozen in place to the damp dock beneath them. Supergirl switched to her heat vision, rapidly heating the metal objects in their hands until they dropped them.

“Supergirl!” one of the cops shouted, a delayed reaction if there ever was one.

She slowly put down the human woman, who looked at her with wide brown eyes.

“Where’s Lach?” she asked frantically.

“Over there,” Supergirl said, pointing to the edge of the dock. The Piscerian had emerged from the dark water, his bright red hair shining in the night, his skin now pale blue. A large silvery-blue tail rose from the water behind him and Supergirl heard one of the officer’s gasp and the click of a gun’s firing mechanism.

“NO!” Supergirl shouted, but her movements were faster than her voice. She moved between the officer and the water, blocking the bullet with an outstretched hand so that it bounced harmlessly onto the dock below. She looked up and glared at the officer holding the smoking gun. “What are you _doing_?”

Before the man could answer the other officers were surrounding him, removing his weapon and cuffing him. Once the rogue officer was safely put away in the back of a police cruiser they turned to the still-frozen Children of Liberty.

“I’ll leave you officers to it then,” Supergirl said, though her spine was still tingling with unease. Anti-alien sentiment had clearly leeched into the National City police force, and that made her distinctly uncomfortable. She should have known; if it invaded the DEO, it was clearly in every level of law enforcement. It was a plague on government and civilian levels, and becoming even more widespread. She gave one last nod to the human woman and Piscerian man before taking off into the night sky

She landed on the fire escape outside her apartment and let herself in through the tricky window. Supergirl could save people physically, and Kara Danvers could try to change the minds of readers, but this anti-alien sentiment was something she couldn’t seem to stamp out completely in either form. Sometimes she wondered if it was even possible; she was fighting against centuries of human hatred against the _other_ , but now that other was aliens. J’onn had fought against that hatred when he took on the form of a Black man. Alex fought that hatred when she came out as gay, living her life in spite of fear of persecution. Even young Nia Nal would fight it in two forms, both as an alien— though she appeared human— and as a transgender woman. Kara had been fairly lucky; for most of her life she had been able to hide her alien heritage and live as a cisgender, straight, white woman. The only thing she had going against her was her gender, and she had been lucky enough to escape most discrimination women faced.

She picked up her phone and searched through her contacts. The first one to pop up was Alex, but she was probably busy. She scrolled further, and finally her thumb hovered over a familiar name. She pressed the button as she began dropping her supersuit to the floor.

_“You’ve reached the voicemail of Lena Luthor. I’m unable to answer your call right now. Please leave a brief message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able.”_

Kara sighed as the recording finished and a piercing beep emanated from her phone. “Hey, it’s Kara. Just wanted to check in and see how you are. Just, um… you know, call, text, whenever you’re free.”

She clicked the button to disconnect and groaned into the phone. _Great job, Kara, real smooth_. She had never been particularly gifted at stringing words into a sentence, at least not out loud. It was much easier to put her thoughts into words on paper. She turned on the shower and stepped into the hot water, brain working on what she would write out to Lena if given the chance.

_Dear Lena, I know this might come as a shock to you, but I need to tell you the truth. I’m Supergirl._

**********

Kara pulled her cardigan tighter around her shoulders as she rode the L-Corp elevator to Lena’s top-floor office. She wasn’t sure what the meeting was about, just that Lena had emailed James Olsen about it before she texted her.

_I have an idea. Meeting in my office Monday at 9._

It was an order, not a question, and as Kara’s boss’s boss, Lena was within her rights to give that kind of order, but it was out of character for her. She hadn’t called or texted in two weeks and her text to break the silence was in full bossy CEO mode, not BFF mode. Kara wasn’t sure why, but that hurt her. She knew Lena didn’t know about the Supergirl secret, but getting the CEO treatment combined with Lena’s stoniness toward Supergirl compounded the hurt more than she should allow.

She stepped out of the elevator and headed down the hallway. Lena’s assistant, Jess, was sitting at her desk and she gave Kara a quick grin. Kara must not have schooled her features quickly enough because the grin faded just as quickly as it appeared. Apparently Alex was right— Kara needed work on her poker face.

“Miss Luthor is expecting you, Miss Danvers,” Jess said hesitantly, rising to open the door for her.

“That’s okay, Jess, I’ve got it,” Kara said, putting on a masking smile. “And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Kara?”

This time Jess’s return smile was more genuine, so Kara assumed her facade was successful. 

“Yes, the waterfront. Rebuilding should be finished by then… Five hundred, at least… Bar tables and stools for seating, but mainly informational booths… A speaking podium, but no stage…”

Lena was on the phone when Kara entered, staring out the window over National City, back to the door. She did that a lot, never noticing when Kara entered. She had plenty of security in the building, and Jess vetting visitors, but Kara still worried about her friend’s safety, given the amount of times Lena had been attacked and kidnapped.

Lena turned and her eyes met Kara’s. A wide smile, a genuine smile, lit up her face and she gestured for Kara to sit across from her while she finished her call.

“I’ll be arranging refreshments. I want to talk to our guests first, see if they have any input for the menu… Yes, thank you, Peter. I’ll get back with you as soon as I have more details. Goodbye.”

Lena disconnected the call and placed the phone on her desk. “I’m so sorry about that, Kara.”

“It’s fine,” Kara replied. “Sounds like you’re planning an event?”

“Yes, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” Lena said, her demeanor still in-control CEO. “I was inspired by you, actually.”

Kara’s eyes widened. “In—Inspired… by _me_? How?”

Lena chuckled. “Well, inspired by your articles, which I know are your idea,” she sat back in her chair. “The series you’re doing on the different aliens. I’ve been keeping up with them. It’s great work, Kara, and so needed right now. But it got me thinking, maybe we could do more.”

“What did you have in mind?” Kara asked cautiously.

“Well, the articles are great, your writing really makes the reader feel like they know these aliens, these people, but what if we went a step further?” Lena leaned across the desk toward Kara and a strand of dark hair fell unnoticed into her face from her neatly swept bun. “What if we offered the public a chance to actually meet them? I mean, some humans work with aliens on a daily basis, but when do we really get the opportunity to sit down with one or more and really ask questions, person to person, and get to know each other? It doesn’t necessarily come up in daily conversation, and I think giving people that opportunity would be a great step toward bridging the gap between humans and the different alien species.”

Kara sat back. Lena Luthor was a force to be reckoned with when she was on a roll. She couldn’t help but admit that she loved it when Lena got like this. She was always so excited and driven about things she was passionate about, and usually those things somehow included helping others.

“I think it’s an excellent idea,” Kara told her after a moment. “But it could attract the wrong kind of attention. These extremists, the Children of Liberty, they might see it as a chance to galvanize against a gathering of aliens.”

Lena waved her hand nonchalantly. “I’m working to gather the best security team I can form. And, I know it’s a government agency, but I did wonder if your sister might be able to pull some strings with the DEO.”

Kara hissed through her teeth. “Yeah, about that. I’m not sure that would work. Alex just got a new boss and things have been a little… rigid since then.”

“But you’ll ask her?” Lena asked, her voice sounding far more confident in Kara’s success than Kara felt. Kara still hesitated and Lena’s face morphed into a pout, which was just completely unfair.

“Fine, yeah, I’ll ask, can’t hurt,” Kara shrugged.

“Fabulous,” Lena grinned and Kara knew she had been played. “And I was also hoping you could help me line up aliens from different planets and cultures to come. If any of them are interested in setting up informational booths, I can arrange for that as well.”

“What would they put in these informational booths?” Kara asked, now hooked. It was nigh on impossible to resist Lena’s enthusiasm.

“Information about their species, their home planets, their cultures… Hell, even just information about them and their day to day lives here on Earth. And pictures, lots of pictures of them just living their daily lives. I want humans to understand why these people have come to Earth and that they’re just trying to live normal lives like everyone else.” Lena paused for a moment. “I know what I come from, Kara. I know what my family’s legacy is. But I’ve come to realize that these aliens want the same thing I do— just to live happy, safe lives with their friends and families, and to live the cliched American Dream.”

Kara grinned. “So Lena Luthor wants the American Dream? What is that, house in the suburbs, minivan, nice husband, 2.4 kids, and a Golden Retriever?”

Lena shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s that specific, and God knows I’ll never drive a minivan, but the Golden Retriever wouldn’t be that bad, except for the shedding.”

Kara tried to keep a straight face, but she failed miserably. Both women broke out into a fit of giggles, relaxing into their familiar friendship as if they hadn’t been apart for weeks. It was one of the nice things about their relationship— it didn’t seem to matter how long they were apart, or what happened during their absence, they always fell into the same familiar comradery as always.

“What about Supergirl? Should I ask her to attend?” Kara asked.

Lena’s shoulders tensed and she lowered her gaze. “I’m sure she’s far too busy for a PR event.”

“No, I’m sure she would be there if we asked,” Kara insisted.

Lena looked up, green eyes sharp as she searched for words. “Kara… Look, I know that you’ve been working with Supergirl since before we met and I don’t want to strain your relationship with her but… well, you know how I feel about her. I will not tolerate someone who pretends to be my friend one minute and lies to my face the next.”

Kara’s stomach dropped into a pit and she looked away, unable to meet Lena’s eyes. She focused on schooling her facial expression as she pushed down the dread that filled her stomach at Lena’s words.

“I know you two had a falling out but you told me that she apologized,” Kara began.

“Yes, she apologized after I found out the truth,” Lena scoffed. “For all his shortcomings at least James was honest with me. If he hadn’t been I would still be walking around with the wool over my eyes. Supergirl never had any intention of telling me what she had done or apologizing for it because she believes she was correct to mistrust me. She apologized, yes, and I accepted her apology, and we’ve worked together since, but I’m not going to forget that while she expects complete honesty from me, it’s not something that goes both ways. Even the most shallow of relationships cannot be founded on lies, especially not in my life.”

A pungent metallic taste filled Kara’s mouth and she realized that she had bitten her tongue hard enough to draw blood. She swallowed quickly, trying to fight down the nausea that always arose whenever Lena spoke this way. Lillian Luthor’s words flashed through her mind again, seared into her memory as they were.

_“Eventually she’ll find out on her own, find out you’ve been lying to her all this time, and when she does, she’ll hate you for it.”_

“Kara?”

Kara’s eyes flitted back to Lena who was looking at her with nothing but affection.

“I’m sorry, I know you’re friends with her, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Lena said with a shake of her head.

“No, it’s fine, your feelings are totally valid and I understand,” Kara told her. “Besides, now that I think about it, having Supergirl there would probably be a bad idea anyway. She would get a lot of attention and take it away from the other aliens that are there, and that defeats the purpose.”

Lena smiled that soft, grateful smile that said she knew Kara was giving her an out for this awkward conversation. “Another good point. Thank you, Kara.”

Kara nodded and offered Lena a tightlipped smile. She didn’t tell Lena that Supergirl would be nearby, one way or another, in case of an emergency. She would never tell her that Supergirl took a special interest in the safety of one Lena Luthor, in spite of the latter’s reticence. Because Lena was the only person with whom Kara Danvers could be wholly and entirely _human_.


	2. Mayday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S**t hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t ever expect chapters posted this quickly again.
> 
> I actually already have quite a few scenes written but not in the actual order they need to happen to make this a cohesive story. But at least with this one I think I know where this ride’s going.

Lena had known, when she started these experiments, that the government would eventually show interest. How exactly they found out about the nature of her experiments wasn’t entirely clear, but she wasn’t surprised in the least when Colonel Haley of the DEO showed up in her office and offered her a government contract. Lena wasn’t even fazed when the contract turned into an ultimatum; since she was using an alien substance for her experiments, the DEO could sweep in and confiscate all of her research and take it over themselves if she didn’t agree to their contract. Lena wasn’t about to relinquish control of her work, so her agreement was swift. After the incident with Reign last year, involving the government in this was almost a relief. It no longer felt like a horrible secret she was hiding— someone else thought what she was doing was _good_.

“Colonel Haley, I didn’t expect to see you today,” Lena said as the short-haired woman entered her office. Lena stood, smoothing down her skirt as she did, and greeted the Colonel with a handshake.

“I was checking the HE dossier and saw that the latest subjects are scheduled to wake up today,” Colonel Haley replied, her tone kind but clipped. “I wanted to be here to see the results.”

Lena schooled her features. “I was just about to head down to the lab, actually. I will warn you, a few times when subjects have come out of their medically-induced comas they have had… dangerous reactions to the serum. Though I’ve changed the formula and taken every precaution, I cannot guarantee that will not happen again.”

“I’ve seen your records, Miss Luthor,” Colonel Haley said drolly. “I am aware of the risks. But these are my people. I need to be there.”

Lena nodded. She could understand that, quite frankly admired that the Colonel wanted to be present for this. When Haley had begun volunteering soldiers for the trials, Lena had been reluctant. She already had a dozen failures and a dozen dead bodies to show for her work, and she had been extremely selective about those candidates. She made sure each subject knew that death was a very real, very likely outcome for this experiment, and each one had been willing to take that risk. When the soldiers began volunteering, Lena demanded the same, making sure that they were not volunteering out of some misplaced sense of duty or heroism. She had spent days studying the files on each volunteer before picking any to become subjects.

Lena placed the folders from her desk into a locked drawer before turning back to the Colonel. “If you’ll accompany me, Colonel Haley, we’ll get to it.”

As they rode the elevator down to L-Corp’s basement lab— Lena had required the experiments stay based at L-Corp— she admired the other woman’s composure. Lena’s heart was pounding with anxiety, as it always did when she worked on these experiments. Either Colonel Haley was completely unaffected or she put the Luthor-esque composure Lillian had instilled in Lena to shame. Lena worked to school her features as they exited the elevator and entered the basement lab.

“Miss Luthor, Colonel Haley,” Miss Teschmacher greeted, her tone bubbly and not sounding the least bit surprised at the Colonel’s appearance, nor anxious about what they were about to do. Lena wondered, not for the first time, if she was the only one who was nervous about this. But Eve was still talking as she placed a tablet into Lena’s hands. “All three subjects’ vitals are stable. I’ve left their intravenous lines in place but tests to place any further lines have failed.”

“Failed?” Colonel Haley asked, her cool expression only faltering for a moment when Eve pressed a second tablet into her hands. Lena didn’t even blink in surprise that Eve had a second device prepared for their guest.

“Not a failure of the serum,” Lena explained. “If we’re unable to get a needle into the subjects’ skin then it means that we’ve succeeded in making their skin impenetrable.”

“So the serum works?” Colonel Haley asked, and Lena noted a slight uptick in her tone that betrayed her excitement.

“We already knew it worked,” Lena replied. “The question is how long it will work. Each subject has demonstrated superhuman abilities after being exposed to the serum, but their level of control has fluctuated, and the amount of time before they either experienced a heavy metal reaction or lost control of their abilities has varied. True success would be a subject retaining full control over their abilities indefinitely without expiring from a heavy metal reaction.”

The Colonel paled a bit. Lena relished the slip in the woman’s cool facade, then wanted to kick herself for such petty satisfaction. Instead she disengaged the electromagnetic barrier for each subject and collected three vials of medication that would wake them, placing the vials into the automated injection system so they could be administered from outside the barriers. She did a quick onceover of each subject as she went. She trusted Eve, but Lena wanted to be one hundred percent certain that everything was set up perfectly. She wouldn’t lose anyone because of human error.

“Everything is in place,” Lena announced as she reengaged the barriers. She approached the console where Eve and Colonel Haley were waiting, watching her. Once again Lena found her digital voice recorder and pressed the Record button. “Administering Clozaprinadol reversal to Subjects 0354, 0355, and 0356.”

Lena knew her breath was caught in her throat as she pressed the buttons and all three vials emptied into the subjects’ intravenous lines, and if she wasn’t mistaken then the two women flanking her were also holding their breath. Lena knew from experience that between Eve weaning the subjects off the sedatives slowly and administering the reversal drug it would be less than a minute before they regained consciousness. Just before lightheadedness could set in, the first of the subjects stirred, hands and eyes twitching before fists clenched and eyes fluttered open.

“Subject 0356 has regained consciousness,” Lena said into the recorder. She glanced at the other two subjects. “Subject 0355 and 0354 have also regained consciousness.”

“Subject 0356?” Lena said softly into another microphone, this one connected to a speaker inside the barrier. “Can you hear me?”

“Yes, Miss Luthor, I can hear you,” the man said, his voice rough from disuse.

“How do you feel? Any pain? Does anything feel abnormal?” Lena asked.

“I feel… fine,” the man said, surprise coloring his tone. “I expected to feel sore after being unconscious, but my body doesn’t ache. I feel as if I’ve had the most restorative night’s sleep of my life. I can only barely feel the tug of the I.V. in my arm.”

Lena repeated her questioning to the other two subjects and received similar answers. After she knew all three subjects were completely conscious and in no pain, Lena breathed a sigh of relief.

“Subjects, I’m going to ask you to complete a series of movements to check your physical and neurological status,” Lena said into the microphone, now speaking to all three subjects simultaneously. “Please raise your left arm, mindful of your I.V.s,” she waited and watched as all three complied. “Very good, now lower it. And now do the same with your right hand,” again she paused. “Now raise your left leg… And your right leg… Now very slowly, if you’re able, please sit up and move your legs to the side of your bed.”

“Should we help them?” Colonel Haley whispered even as all three subjects sat up in bed with ease.

“They won’t need assistance if they take it slow,” Lena told the Colonel. “Also, at this point, we’re not yet sure if they are stable, so being near them could be dangerous.”

“What do you mean?” Colonel Haley asked.

Suddenly there was a crash, drawing their attention back to the subjects. One of them, Subject 0356, had moved to stand before completely collecting his equilibrium. He had lost his balance, fell toward the bed, and had reached for the reinforced metal handles beside the thin mattress in an attempt to catch himself. But instead of bracing him, the metal crumpled under the man’s grip, his newly developed superstrength crushing it like paper, and the material couldn’t handle the man’s increased mass, so he fell to the floor and took part of the metal bed frame with him. The floor itself was a reinforced material Lena had developed when she was holding Reign so, thankfully, the only damage to it was a web of thin cracks beneath the man’s knees.

“Subject 0356, are you hurt?” Lena asked, though she already knew the answer.

“N— No, Miss Luthor, I barely even felt the impact,” the man replied, his voice thick with awe.

Lena nodded and spared a glance to Colonel Haley whose calm facade had completely faded in shock. “Now imagine if that was your body instead of a metal bed. Until they get more control over their new abilities, the subjects will be confined and we will not cross the barriers.”

Colonel Haley nodded her agreement. Lena switched on the microphone.

“Subjects 0354, 0355, and 0356, while you were sedated you were each given a variation of the experimental HE Serum. This serum has changed your DNA, thereby changing your physical makeup. You now have certain abilities including superhuman strength, superhuman speed, and invulnerability. Part of this is due to the serum making your body incredibly dense. For the rest of today and the foreseeable future, Miss Tesschmacher and myself will be directing you through a series of tests and exercises to ascertain the extent of your abilities and help you learn to control them.”

Lena nodded to Eve, who took over the microphone. Lena gestured to Colonel Haley who took one last look at the subjects before following her away from the console.

“I know we had spoken before about your results, and I’ve read all the reports, but somehow seeing it with my own eyes…” the Colonel’s voice trailed off as she shook his head. “Do you have any idea what you’ve created here, Miss Luthor?”

Lena bit her tongue. Quite frequently she wondered exactly what she had created. There were days when she felt like God Himself and other days she felt more like Victor Frankenstein. She wondered which Colonel Haley felt but then she looked into the woman’s rich brown eyes and was surprised to find them shining with something that looked a lot like admiration.

“I feel as if I might be looking at the woman who will be responsible for saving humanity.”

**********

Kara glanced around at the people gathering on the National City waterfront. In spite of her anxiety, she felt her chest swell with pride. There were at least one hundred aliens gathered here, from over twenty different planets, as well as nearly three hundred different humans from all different walks of life. It would go on record as the largest inter-species gathering in history, and it was all because of Lena Luthor. Kara’s eyes instinctively scanned the crowd at the thought of the other woman, and she found her across the large plaza, speaking with an older human man in a suit and an alien woman with bony ridges across her cheeks. As if she could feel eyes on her, Lena looked away from her conversation and met Kara’s gaze across the expanse. Her lips curved up into a smile, the kind that made the corners of her mouth turn down instead of up, but her green eyes lit up with happiness before she turned back to the couple she was speaking with. Kara felt blood rush to her cheeks before she took a sip of her soda.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad.”

Kara almost choked on her drink as a familiar form sidled up beside her. Alex Danvers was dressed in civilian clothes to blend into the crowd, but her all-black ensemble still looked appropriate for a badass DEO director. Her superior Colonel Haley didn’t seem happy about DEO agents being used as security guards, but since it was the largest alien gathering in history, Alex had successfully convinced her that the DEO should be there in force.

“Geez, Alex, could you _not_ do that?” Kara asked, wiping sticky soda from her lips.

“Kara, you have super hearing. If I’m able to sneak up on you, you’re clearly not paying enough attention to your surroundings,” her sister replied. “Distracted much?”

“Alex wha—? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I wouldn’t have picked a Luthor to be your first girl crush, but I can’t say she isn’t attractive.”

Kara felt a flare of possessiveness rear up in her chest but she pushed it back down. “I… um… Alex, I’m straight. I’m attracted to men.”

“And also to Lena Luthor.” Kara didn’t reply, so Alex continued, “Kara, I’ve known you since you were thirteen years old. I’ve witnessed every single one of your crushes. I know the signs. You get flustered— even more so than you normally are— you blush, you bite your lip, and you can’t control your laughter. It’s so obvious to literally everyone else.”

“Alex, I’m… I’ve never been… Now is _really_ not the time,” Kara scoffed.

“When I came out, didn’t you tell me bisexuality was basically the norm on Krypton?” Alex asked.

“Well, yeah, since sex wasn’t necessary to reproduction, it didn’t really matter who you fell in love with, and society was very open to it,” Kara replied.

“Well, there you go. You’re perfectly normal, for Kara Danvers _and_ for Kara Zor-El. I mean even I thought I was totally straight until I met someone. Since I came out, I’ve met a lot of people who thought they were totally straight until they met the right person.”

“And Lena’s the right person?” Kara asked.

“No, a Luthor is definitely not the right person, but you’re allowed to be attracted,” Alex said. “Just try to keep a clear head. We are at a work event, after all, even if you’re working for CatCo and not the DEO.”

Alex melted back into the crowd, back into her security rotation, before Kara could reply. Kara looked around, her eyes going back to where Lena was standing before, but she was no longer there. Kara’s brow furrowed and she scanned the crowd again, not thinking of how her actions just confirmed Alex’s suspicions.

“Are you seriously drinking soda at one of my parties?”

Kara was startled for the second time in as many minutes, as Lena came up behind her. Lena placed a comforting hand at the small of Kara’s back, holding a flute of pink-tinted champagne in her other hand. Alex was right about one thing, she was far too easy to sneak up on for a person with superhuman hearing.

“Here, you should be celebrating,” Lena said, switching Kara’s glass of club soda out for the flute of champagne. Before Kara could object a waiter walked by and Lena gracefully switched out the glass for another champagne-filled flute and turned back to Kara with a wide smile. “This is much your success as if is mine, Kara Danvers. Can you feel it?”

“Can I feel what?” Kara asked, raising her champagne glass as Lena raised hers.

“Change,” Lena said, clinking her glass gently against Kara’s before taking a sip of the bubbly beverage. Kara followed suit. “Good change, Kara, and hope. Look around, everyone is having a wonderful time, human and alien alike, celebrating and promoting peace. This might just make the history books.”

“Is that on record or off record? Because that would be an excellent quote for my article on the event,” Kara said with a grin. “You do have a way with words, Lena.”

“Yes, well, you have a way of making me sound good in print instead of presumptuous, so I suppose it can be on record,” Lena returned her grin. “But seriously, Kara, you were so worried. Is this not everything I promised you it would be?”

Kara looked around and sighed dreamily. “It’s more, Lena. You have no idea…”

The sound of a dog barking interrupted her. Kara looked around and her eyes widened as people in gray hoodies and gold masks seemed to appear out of nowhere. Lena grabbed Kara’s arm and shot her a questioning look.

“Children of Liberty,” Kara answered her unspoken question. “We need to get out of here.”

“Security will handle it, and the DEO,” Lena said confidently.

Then the first of the bombs went off.

Flames and shrapnel exploded from near the waterfront. Screams pierced the air as people began running away from the explosion. Kara took Lena’s hand in her own and looked around, taking stock of the situation before running.

“Kara?” Lena shouted as another bomb exploded, this one just feet away from the first.

“They’re herding us,” Kara said, eyes wide. “The bombs are supposed to drive everyone toward the Children of Liberty.”

It was working already. The waterfront area where the event was held was basically a large plaza, bordered on one side by water and the city on the other. The explosions were corralling people toward one exit, the one where most of the Children of Liberty were lined up with an assortment of weapons, from guns and knives to pipes and brass knuckles. As Kara watched four Children of Liberty surrounded a horned Edrazian and began assaulting him before several DEO agents engaged the assailants.

“Kara!” Lena shouted again as a third bomb went off, and the screams this time were even more visceral as the fire and shrapnel found flesh.

“Come on,” Kara said, tightening her grip on Lena’s hand and pulling her through the crowd. “You’re not packing today, are you?”

“Under this dress, are you kidding?” Lena replied.

Kara glanced back at Lena’s dress, a tight black sheath with sheer sleeves that hugged her every curve. She wasn’t lying, Kara couldn’t imagine any possible way for her to be concealing a weapon under that.

“This way!” She ordered, pulling Lena toward the Northern end of the waterfront as another bomb exploded behind them.

“ _Aida!_ ”

They froze at the same time. Kara turned to look through the crowd and finally spotted the source of the cry. One of the Archastrian children, her pale golden feathers flared in alarm, was crouched beside a heavy stone trashcan. Her eyes were wide as she shouted again, calling the Archastrian name for her brood mother. But Kara didn’t see any of the Archastrians in the plaza. The only people moving toward the child were two figures in gold masks.

Lena moved a split second before Kara did, diving through the crowd toward the girl. Kara ran after her, but her path was blocked by more fleeing bodies. When she got to Lena she was already crouching in front of the tiny child.

“We’re going to find your _aida _, sweetheart,” Lena said reassuringly, but she didn’t see what Kara saw.__

____

____

“Lena, don’t move,” Kara ordered as the Children of Liberty boxed them in.

“We don’t want to hurt our fellow humans,” said one of them as he swung a wooden baseball bat through the air with a woosh. “Give us the little roach and you two can go.”

“This is an innocent child and you will not lay a hand on her,” Lena growled, the vehemence in her voice palpable.

The second man, this one wielding a long, wicked-looking hunting knife, chuckled darkly. “Well, well, Miss Luthor. Surprised you haven’t been whisked away by some security guard. Don’t worry, we won’t cry over spilling an Earth traitor’s blood either.”

Kara’s attention was more focused on the knife until, in the corner of her field of vision, the man with the bat made a move toward Lena and the little girl. Running was no longer an option, nor was hiding and changing. The only thing Kara could do was what she did best— protect the innocent and the ones she loved, and damn the consequences.

Kara’s movements were inhumanly fast as she moved to block the man’s swing with her left arm. The wooden bat splintered on impact, exploding into hundreds of tiny pieces. While the man was reeling in shock from the impact, Kara punched him in the chest with her right hand— a move Alex had once compared to being hit with a sledgehammer. Kara felt something brush against her torso and realized the man wielding the knife was slashing wildly at her. The strike of the blade was barely noticeable and didn’t even cut through her supersuit to reach her skin. Kara heard a surprised gasp from beneath the gold mask before she knocked the knife from his hand and kicked him in the gut.

“We need to move,” Kara said once she saw that neither assailant was getting up to attack again. She easily scooped up the little girl in one arm and grabbed Lena’s hand in the other, pulling her through the still fleeing crowds.

They made it a block before Kara saw the adult Archastrians flitting urgently through the crowd. Kara made a beeline for them, and as soon as they saw the feathered bundle in her arms one of them released a high-pitched whistle of joy and relief.

The little girl turned in Kara’s arms. “ _Aida!_ ”

The brown-feathered Archastrian wrapped the girl in a warm embrace, soft coos and low rumbles emanating from her chest. The other Archastrian, this one with pale yellow feathers, ran over to them.

“Oh, thank you, thank you Ka—“ the Archastrian’s voice halted in her throat as she looked at Kara. “Thank you, _Supergirl_.”

Kara opened her mouth to deny it, then followed the feathered alien’s gaze down to her torso. The assailant’s knife hadn’t injured her skin or even left a mark on her suit, but it had done a number on the front of her dress. The tan fabric was slashed in multiple places across her chest and abdomen, in some places the fabric was barely hanging on by a thread. The symbol on her chest, her Kryptonian family crest, the symbol she shared with Superman himself, was fully on display.

“Crap,” she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest ineffectively. The crowd was quickly dispersing around her, as DEO agents rounded up all the masked figures they could. Kara’s gaze landed on Alex, about fifty feet away, cuffing a hefty-looking man with a gold mask dangling from his neck.

“Kara?”

Lena’s voice drew her attention, and her tone told Kara everything she needed to know. Kara turned around slowly, arms still crossed over her chest, trying to brace herself for Lena’s reaction. Kara had seen the look of betrayal on Lena’s face too many times before, so she thought it was fairly predictable by now, but nothing compared to the expression she wore now.

“Lena…” Kara began, but before she could continue the sentence, Lena grabbed her wrists and yanked her arms away from her chest. Kara stood frozen as Lena’s face contorted, her shifting emotions laid bare as they hit her like crashing waves— shock, sorrow, and, finally, rage.

“Get away from me,” Lena hissed, her voice even more deadly now than her earlier threat against the Children of Liberty.

“Lena, please,” Kara began.

“Don’t,” Lena cut her off, voice low. “Don’t speak to me. I can’t… Just…” She took a hesitant step away, then another, as if she wasn’t sure her legs would actually carry her. “Don’t follow me, Kara.”

Kara watched as Lena ran away from her, her eyes scanning the crowd for any threads that might approach the CEO, but by that point all of the Children of Liberty had either been arrested or had fled the scene. Once Lena was out of sight, she turned and made her way to where Alex was standing in the middle of the plaza.

“Ka— whoa! Here, put some clothes on!” Alex ripped her black jacket off and tossed it to Kara, who pulled it on and zipped it quickly. “What happened?”

“Alien kid being attacked, man with a knife,” Kara explained succinctly. “The little girl’s fine and back with her family now.”

“Shit,” Alex exclaimed. “Did anyone see you?”

“Yeah, um, about that,” Kara murmured. “Lena… Lena saw my supersuit.”

Alex froze, her face unreadable, but Kara could see her mind going a hundred miles a minute behind her eyes. Kara wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

“Kara, I know you trusted Lena before, but do we _still_ trust her?” Alex asked finally.

Kara’s first instinct was to say _Yes, of course._ That would’ve been her answer just months before. She still wanted that to be her answer. But so much had happened in such a short amount of time, most if not all of it Kara’s fault, and now… now she wasn’t so sure.

“I trust her not to reveal this to anyone else,” Kara said finally. “I’m… not exactly sure what Lena might do with the information, though. _Rao_ , Alex, if you had seen her face…”

“We both knew she wouldn’t take it well if she ever found out,” Alex said softly.

“Not taking it well is an understatement,” Kara sighed.

“Director Danvers!” A DEO agent shouted, but Alex held up a hand to tell him to give her a moment.

“Give her time, Kara,” Alex said. “That’s going to be the hardest thing for you, I know. But give her time to process her emotions. Hopefully she’ll come to you but for now the only thing you can do is wait.”

Kara nodded sadly. “Thanks, Alex.”

Alex nodded. “Now get out of here before your dress falls apart completely. If you’re going to change into your suit, you should do it out of sight.”

“Right,” Kara said, but her voice was hollow. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yep,” Alex replied, but Kara couldn’t hear her as she walked away, shoulders slumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I’ve realized about these characters:
> 
> Lena is so freaking introspective. Focusing on her when I’m writing means spending a LOT of time on her inner monologue.
> 
> Kara is the opposite. She usually acts and then has to deal with the consequences of her actions later. So later we’ll get more of her thinking back on situations, but usually not overthinking what she’s doing at that exact moment.


	3. A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started titling the chapters with song titles because I’m just that basic and couldn’t help myself...
> 
> Also I have no editor or beta readers so I apologize for any errors or weird stuff.
> 
> In this chapter be prepared for a lot of angst, two useless bisexuals, and one helpful lesbian sister.

The sun rose in the morning, casting its same pale golden glow over National City. As the sky lightened and the air warmed, people began stirring, going about their business. Life continued. The Earth continued to rotate on its axis. The universe kept spinning and its inhabitants kept living as if there hadn’t been a monumental shift in reality.

Lena sat half-dressed in the center of her bed, white sheets thrown haphazardly around her, a near-empty bottle of scotch within arms’ reach. She had been in this same spot for six hours now, ever since she had arrived home from the gala, stripped out of that ridiculous dress, and decided that she desperately needed alcohol. She had started with a glass but now its shattered remains rested at the base of the wall across the room and wasted gold liquid had dried on the floor. The tumbler wasn’t the only casualty of Lena’s tumultuous emotions— several picture frames and a decorative figurine had all fallen victim, their remains scattered throughout the apartment, and one pale pink cardigan had been hurled out the window to land God only knows where.

Lena had tried desperately to destroy the memories, and when removing the physical reminders didn’t work, she set out to drown them. There was just one problem with that: there was no alcohol strong enough to kill the thoughts that filled Lena’s mind.

_Kara Danvers was Supergirl._

It was a statement so absurd that if someone had said it aloud in Lena’s presence twenty-four hours earlier, she would’ve laughed out loud. The thought of sweet, gentle Kara Danvers being the hero who punched her way through superpowered aliens and saved the planet on more than one occasion was so ludicrous that it defied reason.

But it was true.

Lena had seen it with her own eyes. She had watched as a wooden baseball bat shattered into splinters against Kara’s forearm. She had watched as a knife cut through fabric like butter but left no blood in its wake, instead glancing off Kara’s torso like she was made of steel. She had watched Kara Danvers incapacitate two burly men with her bare hands. At first Lena had simply been baffled, her adrenaline-filled mind scrambling for an explanation.

Then she had seen the symbol on Kara’s chest, and everything fell into place.

When Lena realized she couldn’t make herself forget the memories, she set her mind to methodically sorting through them, attempting to marry the memories of two individuals into one entity, but even that proved overwhelming.

Lena had once flown over a harbor in Alaska where water from several inland rivers flowed into the ocean. Sediment from the rivers had caused the water flowing into the ocean to turn a pale electric blue and as it flowed into the slate blue water of the ocean, instead of easily mixing there was a clear line of demarcation between the two. Lena’s scientific mind knew that the waters were slowly mixing, but the line between them was so piercing and abrupt that it seemed that they were two completely separate entities, swirling and touching but never blending.

Lena’s memories had been like that, two separate entities, glancing off one another but never blending. Now the separation was blown apart and instead of gently mixing together, they crashed together in a catastrophic wave that threatened to drown Lena in its intensity. 

Some things collided in sudden clarity, meshed together so well that Lena truly felt like a fool for not seeing it before. How in emergency situations Kara Danvers seemed to disappear and Supergirl would suddenly show up at the nick of time. How after every horrifying encounter ending in a heroic Supergirl rescue, Kara Danvers would emerge as emotional support. When Lena first arrived in National City she had felt that she had the unwavering support of two people, Kara Danvers and Supergirl. Apparently she had only had the support of one.

Lena had thought she was over the agony of losing Supergirl’s friendship months ago, after the Super had asked James Olsen to go behind her back and search the L-Corp vaults for Kryptonite. That betrayal had left a bitter pain in her soul, though she had been too busy working to save Samantha Arias to dwell on the emotion at the time. Instead she had cloaked herself in anger, shoved her other emotions into boxes, and got to work.

Now that pain crashed into her all over again, but this time it was exponentially worse because now she knew the truth. She had not only been betrayed by Supergirl, she had been betrayed by Kara. Kara who was supposed to be her friend, Kara who was supposed to trust her, Kara whom _she_ trusted with every bit of her heart and soul. But that wasn’t the first betrayal, and it wasn’t even the worst.

Two and a half years. Lena recalled the day she had met Kara Danvers with sharp clarity. Her attention had been focused on Clark Kent, the reporter who had written such horrifically elegant articles about Lex’s reign of terror, not on the shuffling blonde that trailed after the man like a lost puppy. But when Lena spoke about her hopes for the future, it was Kara Danvers who gave her reassuring agreement. The unassuming wallflower transformed into a ray of hope in a pastel cardigan, and that was what she had remained for two and a half years, a spot of hope and brightness in Lena’s life, someone who believed Lena could be better than her last name.

But clearly that had been a lie too. Clearly Kara believed Lena was no better than her mother and brother because if she had believed in her, wouldn’t Kara have trusted her with the truth? All of the faith Kara said she had in Lena had been nothing but lies. In two years Lena couldn’t say her track record was perfect, she had made mistakes, had trusted the wrong people. But for over two years Kara had lied to her face, had intentionally kept her in the dark, had so carefully crafted her lies that even someone like Lena, who was so used to being lied to by the people she cared the most about, hadn’t seen through the pretense. Lena felt like an absolute fool, and the disgust she felt for herself only added to the pain of Kara’s betrayal like fuel to a fire.

Lena was distracted from her thoughts and the final dreg of scotch by a buzzing. Her hands floundered for her phone where it was buried somewhere in the sheets nearby. She almost expected to see Kara’s number flash on the screen, or perhaps one of their other mutual acquaintances attempting to contact her, but Lena breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that it was just her assistant. At least Kara was smart enough to leave her alone.

“Yes,” Lena said, and even she realized that her voice was slightly slurred.

“Miss Luthor, are you well?” her assistant asked.

“I’m fine, Jess, what is it?” she replied, intentionally crisping her words and sharpening her tone.

“You have an eight-thirty teleconference with Metropolis. It’s eight-oh-five, Miss Luthor.”

Lena bit her lip to hold in the curses that threatened to pass over her lips. She never, _never_ got so lost in her emotions that it distracted her from her work, and here she was moping in bed, drunk, and missing a meeting, all because of Kara _fucking_ Danvers.

“Push the conference back to ten, cancel my eleven-thirty, and let Colonel Haley know that I won’t be available to meet with her until two,” Lena said. She didn’t wait for a response before she disconnected. Such rudeness toward her employees was out of character for her, but at the moment she couldn’t find any fucks to give about propriety.

Lena dragged herself from the sheets and padded into the bathroom, running her fingers through her hair as she went. She caught sight of herself in the mirror as she passed and groaned. God, she was a wreck. She stripped and ran a brush through her hair before turning her shower to the hottest setting and stepping under the steaming spray.

The sting of the water almost made her cry out, but she made no move to adjust the temperature. She needed to feel the pain, to feel something other than the betrayal that overwhelmed her, to wash away everything until only Lena Luthor, L-Corp CEO remained.

 _Boxes_. She had once explained her detached demeanor with a metaphor of boxes. It was a coping mechanism, and one that had proven useful for her entire life. But this… Lena didn’t know if there was a box big enough or strong enough in the depths of her psyche to hold everything she was feeling now.

“Why does it hurt so much?” she whispered into the white tile. Lena grabbed a loofa and her body wash and began scrubbing her skin vigorously until the pale tissue began to flush red.

Her visceral reaction made no sense to her. Lena had lost a lot in her life— her biological mother, her father, hell, she even counted Lillian Luthor as someone she had lost. She had thought watching Lex’s descent into madness had been painful. Hell, even her worst breakups had never hurt this much. The only thing that could possibly compare was the death of Jack Spheer and even that—

Lena froze as the thought crossed her mind, then she grimaced and clenched her hands into fists so hard that her nails almost drew blood from her palms. She shook her head viciously, as if the notion would shake the truth from her thoughts.

Lena had dated mostly men in her life, but she had always admitted to herself that she was attracted to women as well. It hadn’t resulted in much— a few experimental flings and one very brief relationship in college right before Lex made headlines for the first time. She could count on one hand the number of times she had been in love in her life and not even use all five fingers. She had found Kara Danvers physically attractive from the first day she walked into her office, but then again she had also thought Clark Kent attractive, though Kansas farm boys weren’t really her thing. But she thought she had put that attraction aside— in one of her little boxes— in favor of their friendship. Apparently she hadn’t done a very good job.

She wasn’t sure when it had happened exactly, but at some point in the last two years, she had fallen in love with her best friend.

“God damn it!” Lena shouted at the top of her lungs, hitting the tile wall beside her with both fists. She immediately regretted the decision as pain radiated through both hands. She groaned and sank down the side of the shower, the cold white tiles soothing against her back as steaming hot water continued to flow over her. She cast her eyes on the white light shining through the glass shower door. “You’re a fool, Luthor. A damn fool.”

 

**********

 

One month. The date on the calendar hit Kara like a punch in the gut. She and Lena had gone longer without seeing each other before— though those doldrums had been filled with regular text messages and phone calls— but she had always trusted that in time their hectic schedules would clear up and their friendship would resurface unscathed, just as boisterous and tenacious as before. This time, though… this time Kara wasn’t sure. At the very least Kara knew that if she and Lena managed to salvage things between then, things would be very different.

Kara had replayed that night over and over in her mind, lying in bed at night, flying above the city at daybreak, listening to James and Snapper drone on and on during staff meetings. She had pinpointed every split-second when she could’ve made a different decision, from the most significant to the miniscule, that would’ve changed the outcome of that night, that would’ve kept her secret for another day. But it had always been inevitable, really, that Lena would find out, and that she would find out in the worst way. Kara knew herself well enough to know that she had never intended to tell Lena outright, and if that made her a bad person, a bad friend, well… maybe she was. She was selfish and scared and she didn’t want to lose her best friend.

A knock at the door pulled Kara from her thoughts and from the depths of the carton of ice cream cradled in her lap. She scanned her door and was surprised by the lanky figure on the other side— mainly because Alex had her own key and normally let herself in, so something had to have happened for her to forget and knock instead. Kara hopped off the sofa and sped to the door, pulling it open with a confused expression.

“Alex?” she said in greeting, but her tone was puzzled.

Kara could only describe Alex as glowing. Her breath came in short pants, like she had run here, her heart was racing, and her cheeks were flushed. But her brown eyes were wide with excitement like Kara had never seen before.

“I got approved!” Alex exclaimed, out of breath. “My adoption portfolio, it got approved!”

“Oh my… Oh! Get in here, get in here!” Kara shouted, pulling her sister into a hug. “Alex, that’s amazing! That’s… Wow! I’m so happy for you!”

“I brought all the celebration essentials, wine and pie and ice cream,” Alex said as she made her way into the apartment. Her eyes fell on the almost-empty carton on the coffee table and she raised a brow. “But it looks like you already got a head start on the ice cream.”

Kara shook her head. “It’s nothing new, Alex, and we’ve spent the last two sisters’ nights talking about my issues. Tonight we’re going to celebrate you and that’s the end of it.”

Alex didn’t argue, and as they loaded down bowls of sweet dessert goodness her palpable excitement spread quickly and overshadowed Kara’s previous mood.

“For a while it just felt like this day would never come,” Alex said as she perched on the end of Kara’s sofa, bowl piled with pie and ice cream in one hand, wine glass in the other.

Kara snorted, taking the opposite end of the sofa with her much larger bowl. “As if there was any doubt you’d be approved. You’re going to be an awesome mom and the adoption agency would be crazy not to approve you.”

“Yeah, well, you’re biased and it’s not that simple,” Alex rebuffed. “I mean you saw all the stuff I had to put in the new apartment to pass the home inspection.”

Kara waved her spoon in the air, uncaring if some ice cream splattered onto her face. “Yeah, well, details…”

“And then there were the three personal references— thanks for being professional on that, by the way—“

“You say that as if you thought I couldn’t be professional,” Kara said defensively. Alex just gave her a look that made Kara blush and roll her eyes. “Okay, fine, I edited out all the embarrassing and biased stuff by the fourth draft, thank you very much.”

“I appreciate it,” Alex said dryly. “And let’s not even get started on the paperwork I had to do about my employment.”

“You know, you’d think since there are so many aliens living openly now, the DEO would drop the whole _super secret government agency_ thing and just be a normal, not-secret government agency,” Kara remarked.

“Sometimes I think that’s why it’s still a secret,” Alex sighed. “But still, you’d think there would be some kind of standardized form for us to use that covers up what we are, but no, it couldn’t be that simple.”

Kara nodded sympathetically. She had watched Alex all but tear her hair out as she filled out all the paperwork, probably would’ve torn her hair out if she hadn’t just had it cut.

“You know, um, there was one part of the application that I wasn’t expecting,” Alex said, her expression suddenly turning sheepish.

Kara felt her brow crinkle in confusion at Alex’s changing tone. “Oooo-kay?”

“Well, there was part of the application that asked if I was willing to adopt a child that isn’t human,” Alex explained.

“So, like, an alien?” Kara clarified. Alex nodded. “And what did you answer?”

“I said yes, obviously,” Alex replied with a scoff. “I mean, you could say I’m _uniquely qualified_.”

“Pshh, ain’t that the truth,” Kara snorted, and the two erupted into laughter. Kara watched Alex as she laughed, so carefree, and her heart swelled. She crossed the space between them and rooted into her sister’s side. Alex raised an arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, nestling back into her side as well. “I’m so, so happy for you, Alex. I know I’ve said it before, joking and serious, but I really mean it when I say you’re going to be the _best_ mom. Your kid, no matter if they’re human or alien or anything else for that matter, is going to be so, so lucky to have you as their mom.”

Tears welled up in Alex’s dark brown eyes. “You always sound so certain when you say that.”

“That’s because I am,” Kara told her. “There aren’t many things I’m certain of in this life, Alex, but this is something I know for a fact. I know that your kid will be lucky to have you as their mom because I was lucky enough to have you as a sister.”

Alex turned and buried her face in Kara’s blonde curls. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was the lucky one to have this weird little alien show up and take over half of my bedroom.” Kara snorted into Alex’s shoulder. “Really, Kara, I wouldn’t be doing this without you. I definitely wouldn’t be checking _yes_ to possibly adopting an alien kid if it weren’t for you. But beyond that… You’ve made me brave, Kara Zor-El Danvers. You always pushed me to go after the things I want, the things that will make me happy. It’s not my natural inclination to go after my own desires and do things just for myself, so… thank you.”

“Yeah, but I feel like you’ve put aside parts of your own life to take care of me,” Kara sighed. “Actually, I _know_ you have.”

“I’ve never minded,” Alex replied.

“Yeah, but… Alex, you can’t do that anymore,” Kara said firmly. “So many times you have dropped everything to come save me, and I am so, so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. But when you become a mom, that’s going to change.”

“Kara…” Alex began, but Kara grabbed Alex’s hand to stop her.

“No, Alex, it’s going to change and I know it, and it _has_ to change,” Kara told her. “It needs to change. The only person on this planet you should drop everything for is your kid, and that’s the truth. So much of your life has revolved around being an extension of mine, and I’ve tried to push you toward doing things for yourself as much as I can while still selfishly keeping you in my orbit. I don’t want to lose you, and I won’t, but the dynamic’s going to change. It’ll change for the better, I think. And I just want you to know, you don’t need my blessing or whatever to go after that change, but you have it. You have that and more, Alex. Your kid is going to be so loved because they’re not only going to have the most devoted mom in the world but, like it or not, they’re going to have an aunt who will literally move heaven and earth for them. So be prepared.”

Kara felt a damp spot spreading on the shoulder of her blouse, but she didn’t mind it. Silent tears were flowing from her own eyes as well. She hadn’t meant to bring on the waterworks, but she had said what needed to be said.

“I feel like I’m leaving you alone,” Alex said finally.

“I’m not alone, Alex,” Kara rebuffed. “You know I have friends, right?”

“Yeah, I’m well aware that Supergirl has _Superfriends_.” Kara could hear the eyeroll in Alex’s voice. “But what about Kara Danvers, hmm? Who does she have?”

The question made a familiar face flash through Kara’s mind and she stiffened against Alex’s side. She looked down at her melting bowl of ice cream and slurped noisily, trying to distract herself with sticky sweetness.

“You still haven’t heard from her?” Alex asked.

“Nope,” Kara replied, popping the _p_. “It’s been a month today, Alex.”

“I know,” Alex replied, “and I know that I said that the pain would get easier but...”

“But?” Kara asked when she trailed off.

“That was before I realized how you felt about her,” Alex finished. Kara didn’t reply. “I’m sorry if I trivialized it before. I should’ve known it was more than just a crush.”

“Alex…”

“Don’t _Alex_ me,” she interrupted. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I know you better than anyone. I know how you act with a broken heart, and this definitely qualifies. You don’t just have a crush on Lena, you’re downright in love with her. And don’t try to argue with me.”

Kara opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, but ultimately decided to follow Alex’s order. Arguing was pointless anyway when her sister was right.

“When did you realize you loved her?” Alex asked softly.

Kara shrugged. “Honestly… I’m not sure. You know I’m attracted to girls sometimes, and who _wouldn’t_ be attracted to Lena, I mean… come on!”

Alex snorted. “As a lesbian with eyes, I fully agree with that statement, but please continue.”

“I thought she was beautiful the first time I walked into her office, and there was just something about her… And then we became friends and, yeah, I could still appreciate how beautiful she was, but we were friends and I fell for Mon-El. I loved him so much, Alex, and through all that Lena became my best friend. I loved her as a friend for a really long time,” Kara rambled.

“Mmm-hmm,” Alex murmured, running her fingers through Kara’s curls the way she had ever since they were teenagers.

“I’m not sure when it changed,” Kara said softly. “She just… she became one of the most important people in my life, in my whole world. And I didn’t want to lose that. For two years I’ve been afraid that she would find out and I would lose her. And now I have.”

“I don’t think you’ve lost her, Kara,” Alex said, her voice soft but certain.

“It’s been a month, Alex,” Kara said bitterly.

“Maybe… I don’t know…” Alex looked up at the ceiling as if she was searching for inspiration. “I might be the big sister but there’s no guidebook for advising your alien sister on how to deal with her best-friend slash love of her life finding out she’s secretly a superhero.” Kara actually chuckled at that. “But… maybe it’s time you extend an olive branch?”

Kara’s forehead crinkled. “What the heck does a tree branch have to do with this situation?”

“Oh my god, Kara, it’s a figure of speech, you fucking alien!” Alex exclaimed, but before she could explain, Kara’s phone rang.

Kara groaned as she peeled herself away from Alex’s side and retrieved the device from the opposite end of the sofa. But when she looked down at the screen, her eyes widened and her heart felt as if it might hammer through her chest in spite of her invulnerability.

“Kara?” Alex asked, concerned by her sister’s sudden change in demeanor.

“It’s L-Corp,” Kara said, her voice little more than a whisper, before she pressed the button to answer the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena needs therapy, her coping mechanisms are not healthy.
> 
> I didn’t plan for the Alex/Kara scene to go where it did but I kind of like it anyway. They are the best part of the actual show (at least until a few episodes ago) and I hope I got a shadow of that in here.
> 
> I have a lot of chapter 4 written already actually so maybe that’ll be posted soon if life doesn’t get in the way.


	4. Fire Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harun-El Horror followed by Lena shouting, Kara talking, lots of feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 6000 words, I’m not sure how that happened. There’s a lot of feelings in this one.
> 
> Also a lot of this was written around midnight with little to no editing so bear with me for any errors.
> 
> TW: Extremely minor character death, not super graphic in my opinion but a pretty horrible way to die, tbh.

Lena Luthor had experienced enough trauma in her life to know that when she was dealing with emotional turmoil, her perception of time was altered. She couldn’t recall the time between her biological mother’s death and her adoption into the Luthor household, but she had once unearthed paperwork that said it had taken four months. Four months of her life that she remembered as little more than a blur. She had experienced something similar when Lionel passed away— she still wasn’t sure how she had passed that semester of school, though her grades had remained impeccable, she remembered nothing of what she had learned. When Lex was taken to prison she knew that somehow she had left Metropolis and made a seamless transition to LuthorCorp and begun the motions to take over the company and change it to L-Corp. But her memories of that time were little more than a blur. It was as if one morning she woke up and she was living a different life, a life she had somehow crafted in the midst of her grief but couldn’t recall how she had done it.

So when she realized that a month had passed since the she learned that Kara Danvers was really Supergirl, she was only slightly surprised. It felt as if the event was only yesterday, but she could look back and see everything she had gotten done in a month’s time. Trauma made her productive— Lena wasn’t sure if that was an entirely good thing, but it was certainly beneficial to her shareholders.

She wasn’t ready to deal with the emotions that would surface whenever she emerged from her fog. Whenever her subconscious raised thoughts of blonde hair, blue eyes, and flashes of crimson and blue, she pushed them down, burying them in metaphorical boxes she could deal with later. It was flashes of glasses and pastels that were harder to deal with, that struggled to the top at the most inopportune moments, disrupting her day and making her eyes fill momentarily with unbidden tears. She boxed these up too, sometimes pouring alcohol on top for good measure. Eventually, when she got around to dealing with these emotions, she would have to make a decision about whether she would sort through the boxes or simply throw a match and watch them burn.

It was an email that made her realize the date— an email from Colonel Haley. All three human trials for the HE Protocol had been successful so far, even exceeding expectations. They had performed an abundance of tests to measure their abilities and now they were ready to move onto the next step— reintroducing the subjects into combat training. Haley, however, wanted one final trial before releasing the subjects into DEO custody. She had been annoyingly mum on what that actual test might be however, a fact that was grating on Lena’s nerves. But Lena was bound by a government contract, and as such she had to give Haley this concession. Lena sighed as she cleared her desk, locking her files away, and made her way to the elevator. These subjects had replaced her apprehension over the Harun-El research with hope— they had survived, and they would thrive.

Lena met Colonel Haley in the elevator bay outside the L-Corp lobby, holding the doors open as the other woman stepped inside. Haley had requested unfettered access to the subjects weeks before and had been less than pleased when Lena denied that request. She was slightly appeased when Lena made sure that none of her visits were denied, but she clearly chafed at always being accompanied by Lena or Eve Teschmacher. Lena glanced at the case the Colonel was carrying at her side.

“You come bearing gifts, Colonel?” Lena asked.

Haley chuckled darkly. “Not exactly. It’s part of the final test for the subjects.”

Lena raised a brow. “I’m not sure what you intend to test. I assure you that my equipment has been more than adequate to assess each subject’s strengths and weaknesses.”

“There is one more thing I want to test, Miss Luthor,” Haley replied, though she didn’t explain further. Before Lena could open her mouth to question the woman, the doors to the elevator opened into the lab and Colonel Haley stepped out ahead of her, clearly avoiding any questioning as well.

“Miss Luthor, Colonel Haley,” Eve Teschmacher greeted. “I’ve calibrated all the equipment in preparation for any assessments and the subjects are prepped and ready.”

“We won’t need any equipment for this, Miss Teschmacher,” Colonel Haley replied as she strode over to a flat table. She placed the silver case on the tabletop and flicked open the clasps. “You wanted to know what we’re testing, Miss Luthor? It’s very simple. The similarities between the HE subjects’ superhuman abilities and those of Kryptonians are undeniable, and expected since they were developed using a Kryptonian substance. It stands to reason that their weaknesses would be similar as well.”

Lena knew what would be in the case a split second before Colonel Haley lifted the lid and revealed the piercing green rocks inside. She suddenly felt as if her spine turned to rubber and she clenched her fists to keep them from shaking.

“Where did you get that?” she asked.

“The government has sources that even Supergirl and Superman don’t know about,” Colonel Haley replied simply. “It’s a simple test, really. We simply expose each subject to the Kryptonite and measure their reactions, if they have any. We need to know if our assets will be weakened if accidentally or purposefully exposed.”

Lena couldn’t help but agree, and she nodded her consent. Colonel Haley picked up a three small containers from the case and placed a piece of Kryptonite inside each one.

“Once this is placed in their containment units, I can open and close it remotely while we measure their reactions,” Colonel Haley explained.

Lena nodded. “Eve, go check the subjects and tell them what’s going to happen. Warn them that this test may not be pleasant, but it will be temporary.”

“Yes, Miss Luthor,” Eve agreed, darting away.

Lena looked at the green stones apprehensively. Pained blue eyes flashed through her memory and she had to look away as her eyes watered and her vision blurred.

“This is organic,” she said, letting her scientific mind take over.

“Yes, from a recently discovered deposit,” Colonel Haley replied, her tone making it clear that was all the information she would give about where the stone had been found. “It was fortunate, really. The Kryptonians have become a problem that needs solving.”

Lena’s brow furrowed. “A problem? I thought Supergirl worked with your agency?”

“The government cannot work with an unknown entity, Miss Luthor. The President gave Supergirl a simple choice, to reveal her true identity to the Government or her collaboration with the DEO would end,” Haley explained. “She chose the latter. And that makes her dangerous.”

“I can’t imagine Supergirl being dangerous,” Lena scoffed. “She’s saved the world multiple times, Colonel Haley.”

“You clearly forget the incident several years ago when Supergirl was exposed to a substance known as Red Kryptonite,” Haley argued. “Any being with that much power should be monitored. We’ve all seen what the Daxamites did to humans, and what the Kryptonian Worldkillers were able to do.” Haley gave Lena a curious look. “I would’ve expected you to understand, Miss Luthor. Isn’t that why you began this work with the Harun-El in the first place?”

“I was trying to cure cancer,” Lena scowled.

“Yes, but when you realized the HE could grant humans abilities, you continued as a way to even the playing field with aliens like the Kryptonians. You know they’re dangerous if we cannot control them.”

“Is that what you plan to do with the Kryptonite?” Lena asked, trying to keep her voice nonchalant. “Control them?”

“We’ll see,” Colonel Haley replied slyly. “From what I’ve seen of the Kryptonians, it’ll take more than even Kryptonite to bring them down. That’s where our subjects come in.”

Lena’s heart was pounding in her chest. Emotions she had buried in boxes and drowned in alcohol pushed to the surface far more rapidly than she was comfortable with. And yet one thought remained at the forefront of her mind, the thought that had really been the reason behind the HE Protocol. While the methods had changed, that thought stayed the same, in spite of pain and lies and apprehension.

_Protect Kara._

“Colonel Haley, Miss Luthor, we’re ready,” Eve said, interrupting her thoughts.

Lena walked beside Colonel Haley and they took their places near the control panel. The dizziness and nausea that had plagued Lena throughout the day had returned with a vengeance, and she had to focus on each step to keep her legs from quivering and her hands from shaking. She picked up her digital recorder and pressed the Record button.

“Exposing Subject 0354 to Kryptonite, test one,” Lena said simply, and Colonel Haley activated her own remote to open the container inside the containment field.

“Vitals are stable,” Eve said, scanning the monitors. “No change in cardiac, pulmonary, or neurological functions.”

“Subject 0354, do you feel any difference?” Lena asked into the microphone.

“I feel fine, Miss Luthor,” he replied.

Lena nodded to Colonel Haley, who released the button on her remote, closing the container.

“Exposing Subject 0355 to Kryptonite, test one,” Lena said into her recorder.

The process was repeated and like the first subject, the woman’s vitals remained stable and her response was that she felt no effects from the Kryptonite. When Colonel Haley closed the container, Lena suddenly felt afraid that she had actually done her job too well when she created the HE Serums.

“Exposing Subject 0356 to Kryptonite, test one,” Lena said finally.

The scream was so sudden that Lena nearly dropped the recorder from her hands.

“Heart rate is spiking, one hundred fifty three beats per minute,” Eve exclaimed. “Subject’s body temperature is rising exponentially.”

“Close it!” Lena screamed, though Colonel Haley was standing right beside her.

The Colonel released the button and the container shut, but the reaction didn’t stop. Lena looked from the screens in front of her to the third containment cell in front of her, watching a reaction she had seen multiple times now and had never been able to stop.

The man’s face was frozen, eyes and mouth wide open as he screamed. His veins began to glow, as if filled with lava or fire, but Lena knew it was actually solar radiation. The glow expanded from his heart, quickly overtaking his body. His brown eyes were overtaken and his open mouth began to glow as well. It was a fast death, and yet to Lena it felt like an eternity before she shielded her eyes against the intense glow and unbearable heat filled the lab for just one moment before it was gone. It was over. The inside of the containment cell was destroyed, melted or obliterated in the explosion, but there was nothing left of the man they called Subject 0356.

The other two subjects were screaming. They were safe, thanks to Lena’s forcefields, but watching a man die a horrific death was traumatizing. Lena swallowed hard and bent over the control panel as sobs wracked her frame. She had thought they were past the point of this happening.

“Well, now we know,” Colonel Haley commented, her voice hard as stone.

Lena looked up in shock at the other woman. “I— excuse me?”

“I consider that two successful trials and one unsuccessful,” Haley replied, without a hint of emotion in her voice. Lena wondered if they hadn’t just witnessed the same thing. Had they not both watched a man implode in front of them?

“I’ll arrange for Subjects 0354 and 0355 to be relocated to a DEO facility as soon as it can be arranged,” the other woman continued. “I’ll be sure to forward you the information.”

Lena wasn’t sure if it was incredulity or stress, but suddenly Colonel Haley’s voice seemed impossibly far away. The room began spinning around her and darkness, quiet and warm, overtook her vision. She welcomed it, welcomed the reprieve it brought, and she didn’t even fight as she felt her legs giving out beneath her and her mind slipped into nothingness.

**********

Lena had fainted before and God she hated the feeling, but she honestly hated waking up even more. Her body was sluggish, her head throbbed, and she felt as though her limbs were made of lead. Consciousness came to her slowly, every horrible sensation reminding her why it was important to sleep enough, important to eat regularly, important to drink something besides scotch and coffee. She swept her arms to the sides and realized she was in bed— her bed. She could feel that someone had removed her skirt and blouse as well, replacing them with what felt like an oversized t-shirt and shorts. She opened her eyes to see a sliver of sun remaining as it disappeared below the horizon. She had been unconscious for a while, her body’s way of forcing her to rest. Lena pushed herself up slowly and cradled her head in her hands. She felt like shit.

A sudden thump pulled Lena’s attention from her misery. She looked to the bedroom door which was partially open and saw light from down the hallway. Lena wasn’t sure who had brought her home, but she knew her employees wouldn’t still be hanging around. She reached for the compartment behind the bedside table and found the semiautomatic pistol she kept stored there. She cocked the hammer and held her hands loosely, not quite disengaging the safety as she stood on still-wobbly legs and made her way from the bedroom.

Another thump, this time followed by a slamming cabinet door echoed down the hallway as Lena padded silently toward her kitchen. She raised the gun slowly, squeezing just enough to disengage the safety but not enough to fire, as she rounded the corner and came face to face with her intruder.

She was met with familiar blonde hair and wide blue eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

**********

Kara had been dreading Lena waking up and realizing she was there. When she received the call from Eve Teschmacher telling her that Lena had fainted she hadn’t hesitated to race to L-Corp, Alex in tow, where she found the unconscious CEO draped out on the sofa in her office. Alex had checked Lena’s vitals and declared her condition a simple faint brought on by a combination of exhaustion, dehydration, and not eating. Kara had decided right then that she was going to make sure Lena was taken care of, even if she was still angry when she woke up.

Kara had expected anger. She had braced herself for shouting and cursing and tears. What she hadn’t expected, as she stood from retrieving a pan from under Lena’s kitchen cabinet, was for Lena to aim a gun at her.

It was useless, obviously, and both of them knew it. But when Lena didn’t immediately lower the gun as recognition dawned on her face, Kara felt a little piece of her heart die.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Lena exclaimed, her arms shaking.

“I was just about to fix you a grilled cheese,” Kara said softly, moving slowly to gesture to the bread and sliced cheese laid out on the island.

“You… What?” Lena said, her voice quivering.

“Alex brought by some tomato soup and I was just about to make you a grilled cheese,” Kara said again, keeping her tone as calm as possible.

“Why are you even here?” Lena asked, slowly lowering the gun to her side.

“Apparently I’m still listed as one of your emergency contacts,” Kara explained, moving slowly toward the stove to continue cooking. “Alex was at my place so she went with me to L-Corp and checked you over. Not surprisingly, you fainted due to exhaustion, dehydration and not eating. So I brought you home to rest and get some food and water into you.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Lena said softly, laying her gun on the counter and sliding into a barstool. “I can take care of myself.”

Suddenly a warbling sound erupted from Lena’s stomach. Kara had to bite her lip to hold in a giggle as Lena’s cheeks turned pink and she avoided eye contact.

“I know you can take care of yourself,” Kara assured her. “And I know I have no right to be here now. But please, let me do this for you. Let me make sure you’re okay, and I’ll get out of your hair. I’ll give you space if you just let me take care of you and maybe promise to take care of yourself when I’m gone.”

Lena didn’t reply and Kara could practically feel the anger rolling off her, though it was curbed by her own physical weakness. Kara took her silence as permission and began shuffling around the kitchen, putting together two grilled cheese sandwiches and slipping them into the pan with butter. She wasn’t much of a cook, only dabbling in baking with mixed success, but Kara could make a perfect grilled cheese. It was one of the first things Jeremiah taught her to cook on Earth, for when she woke up hungry in the middle of the night and wanted to prepare herself something instead of waking anyone else, and had become a staple during her college years. Normally she coupled a sandwich with simple tomato soup from a can, but for Lena she had asked Alex to grab a to-go order of tomato-basil soup from a local cafe.

Kara prepared two dishes and two tall glasses of water, pushing her luck to think Lena wouldn’t argue with her eating alongside her. She pushed Lena’s food and water across the island toward her and questioningly offered her a spoon. Lena hesitated for only a moment before she took the spoon and Kara heard an echoed growl from her stomach a split second later. Kara took her own food to the opposite end of the island in an attempt to give Lena her space while also watching over her.

Kara stirred her soup and watched Lena from beneath her bangs. Watching Lena eat something Kara prepared for her sent a primal feeling of pride through Kara’s chest, but she forced it down. She had no right to feel that way about Lena right now, and yet she knew that it would be easier to stop breathing entirely than it would to stop the feelings she felt for the woman at the other end of the bar.

“Is your soup warm enough?” Kara asked after a few minutes, though she knew from her own bowl that the soup was perfectly fine. Lena didn’t answer, just continued to spoon the rich food into her mouth between sips of water. She didn’t even glance in Kara’s direction at the sound of her voice. Kara swallowed hard and continued eating her own food, letting silence fall between them before. She had sat in silence eating during meals with Lena many times before, but never had it felt like the blade of a guillotine was hanging over their heads.

Kara finished her food before Lena and, honestly, could’ve eaten much more, but she decided to restrain herself for now. She studied Lena, trying to be covert about it. Lena had lost weight, and she didn’t have any extra weight on her frame to lose in the first place. Her eyes looked even bigger in her narrow face, sunken slightly in dark circles that even the best makeup couldn’t hide. Kara hadn’t thought Lena could get any paler but was currently being proven wrong. The Lena in front of her was little more than a ghost of the woman Kara knew, and the worst part was that Kara knew it was all her fault.

Lena finished her food and pushed her bowl away from her, still sipping her water. Kara immediately jumped to attention, perhaps a little superhumanly fast if Lena’s startled flinch was any indication.

“Do you want another bowl of soup? Or I can fix you another sandwich if you’d like,” Kara offered.

Lena didn’t even shake her head. Instead when she had finished her glass of water she stood and walked to the refrigerator herself and got another glass. She glanced around the kitchen but pointedly avoided Kara’s gaze.

“I can clean up the mess,” Kara said finally, nervously breaking the silence. “Do you want to get some more sleep? Or if you want to stay up I can get you some pillows and blankets for the sofa. I can put on a movie or something or…”

Lena stared at the kitchen island as if it were the most fascinating thing in the room. Her green eyes were glassy, piercing. If she had been Kryptonian, Kara was positive she could’ve shot heat beams out of her eyes at that moment. The pain Kara saw there cut to her bones and suddenly she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Say something, please,” Kara begged. “Be mad at me, shout at me, get your gun and shoot me, but please let it out. I can’t stand the silent treatment.”

Her words triggered something inside Lena. She finally turned her gaze to Kara and her eyes change from stone to fire. “ _You_ can’t stand it? Really, Kara, I don’t give a fuck what a _liar_ like you can or cannot stand.”

Kara swallowed deeply. “I deserve that.”

“Yeah, you do,” Lena agreed, and now the floodgates were wide open. “You _lied_ to me, Kara. We’ve known each other for two years and that entire time you’ve pretended to be my friend when you were just… _Supergirl_.”

“Hey, there was no pretense to being your friend!” Kara exclaimed.

Lena scoffed. “Yeah, right. Why in the world would a Super be friends with a Luthor? What was the mission, hmm? To find out if I was as bad as Lex, or worse?”

Kara couldn’t find words. Of all the things she expected Lena to say and think, this had never crossed her mind.

“I’m not even sure who I’m more upset with, you for lying, or myself for not seeing it sooner,” Lena said, crossing her arms across her chest. “I mean, it’s so _obvious_! Your disguise is, what, glasses and a ponytail? Seriously? How the hell did I not see through that? I’m supposed to have this fucking genius IQ and I can’t even see through that sorry excuse for a disguise. And all those times Kara would just disappear and then _you_ would show up. In two years I’ve never once seen Kara Danvers and Supergirl in the same room at the same time. And then there’s the DEO agent… I mean, that’s clever, getting an agent to pretend to be your sister. A little much, don’t you think?”

“Lena…” Kara said placatingly. Lena was inching toward hysterical with every sentence.

“Don’t _Lena_ me!” she exclaimed. “And for goodness sake, take off those stupid glasses! You can drop the charade now!”

“No,” Kara said firmly. “No, you need to take a minute and let me explain.”

Lena’s hand lashed out and, though Kara could’ve easily stopped her, found purchase on Kara’s cheek. The glasses flew off Kara’s face and Lena’s furious expression melted as pain radiated up her arm. She stood gasping, cradling her arm, and Kara rushed to her side.

“It’s okay, calm down, sit here,” Kara murmured into her ear, gently moving Lena toward the sofa. Once she was sitting Kara raced to the freezer and grabbed a bag of frozen veggies, ran back and put them against her hand. “There you go, that’ll—“

Kara’s words were interrupted by a sob. “Please, just stop pretending that you care.”

The naked sorrow in Lena’s voice shook Kara to her core. She knelt in front of Lena and took her face in her hands. Thankfully Lena’s fury seemed to be exhausted, so she didn’t struggle against the contact.

“I know you might find this hard to believe right now,” Kara said softly, “but I’m not pretending to care. That was never pretend, it has always been genuine, from day one.”

She stood up with a sigh, backing away to give Lena some space. She looked around the room, trying to gather her thoughts, and her eyes landed on where her glasses had landed in the floor several feet away. She picked them up carefully and bent the earpiece back into shape. She started to put them back on, but turned to Lena first.

“Kara Danvers was never an act,” she said slowly. “I was Kara Danvers long before I was Supergirl, and if Supergirl ever hangs up her cape, I’ll be Kara Danvers for a long time after Supergirl is gone.”

She sat down on the end of the sofa opposite Lena and held the glasses in her hands. “My adoptive father gave me these when I started getting my powers. I couldn’t control my x-ray vision at first— which is really freaky when you’re in junior high. I can control it now but… I don’t know, I guess they’re just part of who I am at this point.”

Lena was watching her with red, teary eyes. “Not a disguise?”

Kara shook her head. “No, the glasses were never a disguise. Kara Danvers was never a disguise or some alter-ego. She is… I _am_ Kara Danvers.”

“And you’re also Supergirl,” Lena said sadly.

Kara nodded. “Yeah, I am.”

Lena turned to face Kara and pulled her knees up to her chest, still cradling her hand against the bag of frozen veggies. Her eyes were still red-rimmed and Kara had to fight down the urge to go pull her into her arms, knowing that it wouldn’t help this time. Lena silently studied her for several long, agonizing minutes, until she finally spoke.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lena asked.

Kara bit her lip. She had spent the weeks since Lena discovered her secret trying to find words to explain everything to the other woman, but even after all that time she still wasn’t sure how to say everything that needed saying.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Lena,” she said firmly. That was the first thing she needed to say. “I mean… I guess at first it was. Not that you had given me a reason not to trust you, you actually proved my trust, repeatedly. At first though, when I had just met you… I don’t exactly go around telling everyone I’m barely acquainted with, and I had no idea you and I would become friends.”

“It wasn’t just that I’m a Luthor?” Lena whispered.

Kara shook her head fiercely. “No, I swear to you, your last name never had anything to do with it, at least not to me.”

Lena raised a brow. “Not to you? But to others?”

“Well, yeah, for a bit,” Kara said, biting her tongue. “You remember how Alex and J’onn and James and Winn… I mean, basically everyone, they didn’t trust you in the beginning. They’re a lot better now, obviously, but…”

“But you trusted me from the beginning,” Lena murmured into her knees. “Kara and Supergirl trusted me.”

“Always,” Kara confirmed. “When we became friends, I wanted to tell you… I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, to be honest.”

“But you didn’t,” Lena frowned.

“No, I didn’t,” Kara said regretfully. “I… Rao, I could try to make it sound selfless. I didn’t want you to be hurt and I knew that when you found out, when you realized I had kept this secret from you, you would feel betrayed, and after everything your family has done to you, I didn’t want you to feel like…”

“Like I do now?” Lena supplied drolly.

Kara sighed. “Yeah, exactly. And that’s true, I didn’t want you to feel like this. Rao, if I had the power to make this not hurt you, Lena, I would do that in a heartbeat.”

Lena sniffed. “Right, but that’s not the only reason, is it?”

Kara shook her head. “No, it’s not.” She took a deep breath and threw her head back to look at the ceiling. “The other reason is far more selfish, but you deserve to know. I didn’t want to lose your friendship. I knew that if you found out there was a chance you would never forgive me, that our friendship would be over, and I didn’t want to lose that. I truly do value you as a friend, Lena, you have no idea…”

Kara took a moment to breathe. “But also I… As long as you didn’t know, I could keep being just Kara Danvers around you. I mean, it got complicated sometimes, trying to keep the two identities separate and you not find out but… See, when people realize that I’m Supergirl, they expect… _her_. They expect this brave, confident, selfless heroine that can fix everything and has solutions to all the world’s problems. But when I’m just Kara, I can just be who I’ve always been. I can stutter and be goofy and just be… _me_. Kara Danvers isn’t a character, it’s just who I am.”

“So Supergirl’s the character?” Lena asked skeptically.

“I mean… not entirely,” Kara admitted. “Supergirl is… it’s complicated.”

Lena waited for further expectation and Kara sighed, searching for words yet again.

“Supergirl is supposed to be this embodiment of hope and compassion, to stand for equality and justice,” Kara explained. “I like to think I’m all of those things, deep down…”

“You are,” Lena agreed readily, and there was no disdain in her voice. Kara figured that was the closest thing she would get to a compliment for a long while.

‘The thing is… Supergirl has to be this perfect hero and she’s not… she’s just _me_ ,” Kara sighed.

“Supergirl is not perfect,” Lena said, her voice laced with bitterness.

“No, and you know that better than anyone,” Kara said sheepishly.

They sat there for many long minutes, knees drawn up in front of their chests like barricades. Finally Lena spoke again.

“Kara… you went behind my back and sent James looking for Kryptonite in the L-Corp vaults,” Lena said slowly.

“I did,” Kara replied. “And it’s still hurting you.”

It wasn’t a question but Lena nodded in agreement.

Kara sighed. “When I asked James to check your vaults, I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t even think about how it would affect you. Yes, part of me didn’t think you would ever find out, but even if I had thought you would know I’m not sure it would’ve mattered. It didn’t even cross my mind to consider how hurt my best friend would be by that choice, and that is on me. There are not enough words in any language to apologize for that kind of callousness.”

Lena swallowed hard and Kara could see the tears in her eyes. She knew her words would hurt Lena, but she had also chosen to tell the truth, the complete truth, even if it hurt both of them.

“The reason that I didn’t think about you was because in that moment there was no room in my mind for thinking about other people,” Kara continued. “In that moment when I was confronted with a possibly unlimited amount of Kryptonite, a substance which has one use and one use only and that is to kill me and others like me, the only thought in my mind was fear. I can’t explain what Kryptonite does to a Kryptonian, what it feels like, I can only tell you that even the thought of encountering it scares me so much that I can think of little else besides trying to get rid of it and making sure that I will never experience it again.”

Lena rested her chin on her knees. “When Mercy and Otis Graves released the Kryptonite into the atmosphere… When I saw Supergirl… When I saw _you_ lying on that bed so close to death… I think maybe I understood it a little better then. It still hurt me to think that you didn’t trust me but I think in that moment I had a glimpse of what you just explained.”

“When that hit, I was flying from Washington DC back to National City,” Kara said, her voice quaking with the memory. “I was just flying and suddenly it was like my blood turned to glass and my bones were on fire. I barely remember falling, I just remember pain.”

“You looked peaceful, lying there, but you looked dead,” Lena said, her own voice dark with memory.

“Alex didn’t tell you?” Kara asked, brow crinkling.

“Tell me what?” Lena replied.

“I— it’s nothing,” Kara said, wanting to save Lena this one thing. It wasn’t really a lie…

“Kara,” Lena said sharply.

She sighed. “I… I wasn’t unconscious.”

Lena raised a brow. “Come again?”

“When we’re exposed to enough Kryptonite, our bodies begin to shut down. First our powers fail, then we get weaker and weaker. Eventually we become unresponsive and can’t move, but if you do a brain scan while we’re like that, our minds are totally aware,” Kara explained. “It’s the worst feeling, being trapped inside your body, and all you know is this inescapable sensation of pain.”

A small whimper escaped Lena’s throat and Kara tried to read her expression, but Lena buried her face into her knees. Kara had to wrap her arms around her legs to stop herself from crawling across the sofa to wrap Lena in an embrace, to show her that she’s here and she’s fine and everything is alright now. Kara had always been a hugger— on Krypton it was normal to express affection with touch, and over two decades trapped in stasis in her pod had left her with a slight deprivation. She felt a visceral need to reassure others and reassure herself through touch, and stopping herself from doing just that with Lena was driving her mad.

“When my mother took me, when Metallo was about to explode, you still came to my rescue,” Lena said finally.

“Of course I did, I had to save you,” Kara said, and it was the truth. Even then she would’ve risked everything for this woman.

Lena shook her head. “You crazy, foolish girl. Don’t ever do that again.”

“I hope I don’t ever have to, but I would do it again in a heartbeat,” Kara replied simply. It was the truth. She would do it again and again, over and over, if it meant keeping Lena safe. If only she had realized months ago that her fear of kryptonite was nothing compared to her fear of losing Lena from her life.

“Kara, there’s something else,” Lena said after a beat. “I’ve destroyed all of the Kryptonite I made. I destroyed all of our files on it. But I still know the formula and the method. It’s still in my mind and I have it memorized. It’s not going anywhere unless I have a lobotomy or something, and I’m not consenting to anything like that.”

“No, we can’t risk any damage to that brilliant mind of yours,” Kara said with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. The corners of Lena’s lips quirked and Kara’s heart soared. “Seriously, Lena, I trust you. I really do. I trust you with that knowledge. I know you would never use it to hurt me.”

“Never,” Lena agreed. A shadow appeared behind her eyes and she pressed her face into her knees. “I really… I feel horrible, to be honest. I should probably go to bed.”

“Yeah, you definitely need to get some rest,” Kara agreed. “Enough heavy for tonight, huh?”

Lena nodded and went to stand, but her legs wobbled beneath her weight. In a flash Kara was beside her, reaching out to steady the swaying figure. Kara savored Lena’s warmth for a moment as she stabilized herself, but as Lena gained her balance Kara forced herself to drop her arms and step away. There would be time for hugs, hopefully, when emotions weren’t so raw and stinging at the surface. Even so she followed just a step behind Lena as she walked down the hall to the bedroom.

“I’ll just be a minute,” Lena said, stepping into the bathroom.

“Just holler if you need me,” Kara said as the door shut. Alone in the bedroom, Kara looked around absentmindedly. When she was in here earlier she had been focused on getting Lena tucked into bed safely and comfortably, but now she took a moment to look around. Something caught her attention, at the base of a table near the window, glittering against the hardwood floors. A moment later Kara realized it was broken glass, and she quickly made her way over to clean up the mess before Lena could come out and hurt herself.

It took Kara a moment to sort out the messin front of her. The source of the broken glass was a picture frame, thrown to the floor and resting almost hidden beneath the table. Kara’s hands shook as she reached for it, turning it over in her hands to see the photo inside.

Lena’s smiling face radiated from the colorful photo, but she wasn’t alone in the picture. Kara was there, and Alex, and Sam, and they were all standing around Ruby Arias. Kara remembered the night this was taken— it was right after Ruby’s recital. Tears threatened to spill out of her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder toward the bathroom door, but it was no longer closed. Lena stood framed in the doorway, her expression sad. Kara knew Lena recognized what she was holding.

“I forgot to clean that one up,” Lena said softly. “I… The night of the gala… I broke a few things.”

Kara nodded.

“I was so angry,” Lena continued. “I’m still… I still feel… God, it’s just so much.”

Kara’s heart pounded in her chest at Lena’s words and tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She wished she knew a way, any way to make this better, but there were no superpowers for this.

“You should go, Kara,” Lena said finally, and her voice was dripping with defeat.

“You shouldn’t be alone, not after you passed out earlier,” Kara argued. “I’ll just stay the night and make sure you’re okay. It’s no big deal. Besides, if you kick me out, I’ll just hover outside all night anyway. Your sofa is much more comfortable.”

A bittersweet grin pulled at the corners of Lena’s mouth at that. “Well, I suppose if you put it that way…”

She padded to the bed and squirmed under the covers. Lena Luthor slept in a nest of pillows within a cocoon of blankets, thick comforter pulled up to her ears, one pillow cuddled against her chest. Kara thought it was one of the cutest things she had ever witnessed.

“Goodnight, Kara,” Lena said softly. “Hit the lights, please.”

Kara nodded and walked to the lightswitch, still cradling the broken picture frame in her hands. She paused with her hand over the switch, glancing between the photo and her cocooned friend.

“Lena?” she said softly.

“Hmm?” Lena replied drowsily.

“Are we gonna be okay?” Kara asked, her voice little more than a whisper. She regretted the words as soon as they crossed her lips. She shouldn’t put Lena on the spot to answer a weighty question like that. But she could no sooner recall the words once they escaped than she could stop herself from saying them in the first place.

Lena was quiet for so long that Kara thought she wasn’t going to reply, and she couldn’t blame her for that. It was only once Kara turned off the lights and was about to close the door that she heard the whispered response, barely even loud enough for her to hear with her superhearing.

“I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shouting angry Lena is actually much safer for everyone’s health than bottling everything up Lena, let’s be honest.
> 
> I hate Colonel Haley with a passion. There is no redeeming that woman for me.


End file.
